Ode to the Common Cold

Ode to the Common Cold

Dear stopped-up head that cannot breathe
I thank you so and here bequeath
The empty boxes of tissue now stuffing the trash
Giving a hint to my growing medication cache.

I cannot breathe out and I cannot breathe in
Everything is chapped from my nose to my chin.
The fucking virus has me hot and cold by the hours
So I sit in hot baths and take steamy showers.

My wise and cool doctor cannot do a damn thing
So I will have to do my own doctoring.
Tylenol for the headache and Advil for the aches
And just let me sleep it off for goodness sakes.

I can't think clearly and my coughing is unproductive
While the phlegm fills my respiratory tract and is wholly obstructive.
The sniffling and coughing and general malaise
Has made me feel miserable for over seven days.

The hacking and chills and headaches have got to go
As well as the useless coughing and each nasal blow.
What caused such a nightmare to behold
It is nothing more than the damn common cold.

So don't come near me and don't breath my air
The viral secretions are absolutely everywhere.
Though my outlook and my mood are exceedingly bleak
Don't worry, though, I'll be out and about in a week.